The Day I Finally Cried

IdidntcrywhenIlearnedIwastheparentofamentallyhandicappedchild.IjustsatstillanddidntsayanythingwhilemyhusbandandIwereinformedthattwo-year-oldKristiwas-aswesuspected-retarded.

"Goaheadandcry,"thedoctoradvisedkindly."Helpspreventseriousemotionaldifficulties."

Seriousdifficultiesnotwithstanding,Icouldntcrythennorduringthemonthsthatfollowed.

WhenKristiwasoldenoughtoattendschool,weenrolledherinourneighborhoodschoolskindergartenatageseven.

ItwouldhavebeencomfortingtocrythedayIleftherinthatroomfullofself-assured,eager,alertfive-year-olds.Kristihadspenthouruponhourplayingbyherself,butthismoment,whenshewasthe"different"childamongtwenty,wasprobablytheloneliestshehadeverknown.

However,positivethingsbegantohappentoKristiinherschool,andtoherschoolmates,too.Whenboastingoftheirownaccomplishments,Kristisclassmatesalwaystookpainstopraiseheraswell:"Kristigotallherspellingwordsrighttoday."Noonebotheredtoaddthatherspellinglistwaseasierthananyoneelses.

DuringKristissecondyearinschool,shefacedaverytraumaticexperience.Thebigpubliceventofthetermwasacompetitionbasedonaculminationoftheyearsmusicandphysicaleducationactivities.Kristiwaswaybehindinbothmusicandmotorcoordination.MyhusbandandIdreadedthedayaswell.

Onthedayoftheprogram,Kristipretendedtobesick.DesperatelyIwantedtokeepherhome.WhyletKristifailinagymnasiumfilledwithparents,studentsandteachers?Whatasimplesolutionitwouldbejusttoletmychildstayhome.Surelymissingoneprogramcouldntmatter.Butmyconsciencewouldntletmeoffthateasily.SoIpracticallyshovedapale,reluctantKristiontotheschoolbusandproceededtobe

sickmyself.

JustasIhadforcedmydaughtertogotoschool,nowIforcedmyselftogototheprogram.ItseemedthatitwouldneverbetimeforKristisgrouptoperform.Whenatlasttheydid,IknewwhyKristihadbeenworried.Herclasswasdividedintorelayteams.Withherlimpandslow,clumsyreactions,shewouldsurelyholdupherteam.

Theperformancewentsurprisinglywell,though,untilitwastimeforthegunnysackrace.Noweachchildhadtoclimbintoasackfromastandingposition,hoptoagoalline,returnandclimboutofthesack.

IwatchedKrististandingneartheendofherlineofplayers,lookingfrantic.

ButasKrististurntoparticipateneared,achangetookplaceinherteam.ThetallestboyinthelinesteppedbehindKristiandplacedhishandsonherwaist.Twootherboysstoodalittleaheadofher.ThemomenttheplayerinfrontofKrististeppedfromthesack,thosetwoboysgrabbedthesackandhelditopenwhilethetallboyliftedKristianddroppedherneatlyintoit.AgirlinfrontofKristitookherhandandsupportedherbrieflyuntilKristigainedherbalance.Thenoffshehopped,smilingandproud.

Amidthecheersofteachers,schoolmatesandparents,IcreptoffbymyselftothankGodforthewarm,understandingpeopleinlifewhomakeitpossibleformydisableddaughtertobelikeherfellowhumanbeings.

ThenIfinallycried.