Hold Your Head up High

Iwasfifteenmonthsold,ahappycarefreekid...untilthedayIfell.Itwasabadfall.Ilandedonaglassrabbitwhichcutmyeyebadlyenoughtoblindit.Tryingtosavetheeye,thedoctorsstitchedtheeyeballtogetherwhereitwascut,leavingabiguglyscarinthemiddleofmyeye.Theattemptfailed,butmymama,inallofherwisdom,foundadoctorwhoknewthatiftheeyewereremovedentirely,myfacewouldgrowupbadlydistorted,somyscarred,sightless,cloudyandgrayeyelivedonwithme.AndasIgrew,thissightlesseyeinsomanywayscontrolledme.

Iwalkedwithmyfacelookingatthefloorsopeoplewouldnotseetheuglyme.Sometimespeople,evenstrangers,askedmeembarrassingquestionsormadehurtfulremarks.Whenthekidsplayedgames,Iwasalwaysthe"monster."Igrewupimaginingthateveryonelookedatmewithdisdain,asifmyappearanceweremyfault.IalwaysfeltlikeIwasafreak.

YetMamawouldsaytome,ateveryturn,"Holdyourheaduphighandfacetheworld."ItbecamealitanythatIreliedon.ShehadstartedwhenIwasyoung.Shewouldholdmeinherarmsandstrokemyhairandsay,"Ifyouholdyourheaduphigh,itwillbeokay,andpeoplewillseeyourbeautifulsoul."ShecontinuedthismessagewheneverIwantedtohide.

Thosewordshavemeantdifferentthingstomeovertheyears.Asalittlechild,IthoughtMamameant,"Becarefuloryouwillfalldownorbumpintosomethingbecauseyouarenotlooking."Asanadolescent,eventhoughItendedtolookdowntohidemyshame,IfoundthatsometimeswhenIheldmyheaduphighandletpeopleknowme,theylikedme.Mymamaswordshelpedmebegintorealizethatbylettingpeoplelookatmyface,Iletthemrecognizetheintelligenceandbeautybehindbotheyeseveniftheycouldntseeitonthesurface.

InhighschoolIwassuccessfulbothacademicallyandsocially.Iwasevenelectedclasspresident,butontheinsideIstillfeltlikeafreak.AllIreallywantedwastolooklikeeveryoneelse.Whenthingsgotreallybad,Iwouldcrytomymamaandshewouldlookatmewithlovingeyesandsay,"Holdyourheaduphighandfacetheworld.Letthemseethebeautythatisinside."

WhenImetthemanwhobecamemypartnerforlife,welookedeachotherstraightintheeye,andhetoldmeIwasbeautifulinsideandout.Hemeantit.Mymamasloveandencouragementwerethesparkthatgavemetheconfidencetoovercomemyowndoubt.Ihadfacedadversity,encounteredmyproblemsheadon,andlearnednotonlytoappreciatemyselfbuttohavedeepcompassionforothers.

"Holdyourheaduphigh,"hasbeenheardmanytimesinmyhome.Eachofmychildrenhasfeltitsinvitation.Thegiftmymamagavemelivesoninanothergeneration.