妈妈的小甜饼

asisatperchedinthesecond-floorwindowofourbrickschoolhousethatafternoon,myheartbegantosinkfurtherwitheachpassingcar.thiswasadayidlookedforwardtoforweeks:misspacesfourth-grade,end-of-the-yearparty.misspacehadkeptarunningcountdownontheblackboardallthatweek,andourclassofnine-year-oldshadborderedoninsurrectionbythetimethemuch-anticipated"partyfriday"hadarrived.

ihadhappilyvolunteeredmymotherwhenmisspacerequestedcookievolunteers.momschocolatechipsreignedsupremeonourblock,andiknewtheydbeahitwithmyclassmates.buttwooclockpassed,andtherewasnosignofher.mostoftheothermothershadalreadycomeandgone,droppingofftheirofferingsofpunchandcrackers,chips,cupcakesandbrownies.mymotherwasmissinginaction.

"dontworry,robbie,shellbealongsoon,"misspacesaidasigazedforlornlydownatthestreet.ilookedatthewallclockjustintimetoseeitsblackminutehandshifttohalf-past.

aroundme,thenoisypartyragedon,butiwouldntbudgefrommywindowwatchpost.misspacedidherbesttocoaxmeaway,butistayedout,holdingouthopethatthefamiliarfamilycarwouldroundthecorner,carryingmyrightfullyembarrassedmotherwithatinofherfamouscookiestuckedunderherarm.

thethreeoclockbellsoonjoltedmefrommythoughtsandidejectedlygrabbedmybookbagfrommydeskandshuffledoutthedoorforhome.

onthefour-blockwalktoourhouse,iplottedmyrevenge.iwouldslamthefrontdooruponentering,refusetoreturnherhugwhensherushedovertome,andvownevertospeaktoheragain.

thehousewasemptywheniarrivedandilookedforanoteontherefrigeratorthatmightexplainmymothersabsence,butfoundnone.mychinquiveredwithamixtureofheartbreakandrage.forthefirsttimeinmylife,mymotherhadletmedown.

iwaslyingface-downonmybedupstairswheniheardhercomethroughthefrontdoor.

"robbie,"shecalledoutabiturgently."whereareyou?"

icouldthenhearherdartingfranticallyfromroomtoroom,wonderingwhereicouldbe.iremainedsilent.inamoment,shemountedthesteps—thesoundsofherfootstepsquickeningassheascendedthestaircase.

whensheenteredmyroomandsatbesidemeonmybed,ididntmovebutinsteadstaredblanklyintomypillowrefusingtoacknowledgeherpresence.

"imsosorry,honey,"shesaid."ijustforgot.igotbusyandforgot—plainandsimple."

istilldidntmove."dontforgiveher,"itoldmyself."shehumiliatedyou.sheforgotyou.makeherpay."

thenmymotherdidsomethingcompletelyunexpected.shebegantolaugh.icouldfeelhershudderasthelaughtershookher.itbeganquietlyatfirstandthenincreasedinitsvelocityandvolume.

iwasincredulous.howcouldshelaughatatimelikethis?irolledoverandfacedher,readytoletherseetherageanddisappointmentinmyeyes.

butmymotherwasntlaughingatall.shewascrying."imsosorry,"shesobbedsoftly."iletyoudown.iletmylittleboydown."

shesankdownonthebedandbegantoweeplikealittlegirl.iwasdumbstruck.ihadneverseenmymothercry.tomyunderstanding,motherswerentsupposedto.iwonderedifthiswashowilookedtoherwhenicried.

idesperatelytriedtorecallherownsoothingwordsfromtimespastwhenidskinnedkneesorstubbedtoes,timeswhensheknewjusttherightthingtosay.butinthatmomentoftearfulplight,wordsofprofundityabandonedmelikeaworn-outshoe.

"itsokay,mom,"istammeredasireachedoutandgentlystrokedherhair."wedidntevenneedthosecookies.therewasplentyofstufftoeat.dontcry.itsallright.really.

mywords,asinadequateastheysoundedtome,promptedmymothertositup.shewipedhereyes,andaslightsmilebegantocreasehertear-stainedcheeks.ismiledbackawkwardly,andshepulledmetoher.

wedidntsayanotherword.wejustheldeachotherinalong,silentembrace.whenwecametothepointwhereiwouldusuallypullaway,idecidedthat,thistime,icouldholdon,perhaps,justalittlebitlonger.