永远不后悔 Never Regret

Timeisrunningoutformyfriend.Whilewearesittingatlunchshecasuallymentionssheandherhusbandarethinkingofstartingafamily."We'retakingasurvey,“shesays,half-joking."DoyouthinkIshouldhaveababy?"

时光任苒，朋友已经老大不小了。我们坐在一起吃饭的时候，她漫不经心地提到她和她的丈夫正考虑要小孩。“我们正在做一项调查，”她半开玩笑地说。“你觉得我应该要个小孩吗?”

"Itwillchangeyourlife,"Isay,carefullykeepingmytoneneutral."Iknow,"shesays,"nomoresleepinginonweekends,nomorespontaneousholidays..."

“他将改变你的生活。”我小心翼翼地说道，尽量使语气保持客观。“这我知道。”她答道，“周末睡不成懒觉，再也不能随心所欲休假了……”

Butthat'snotwhatImeanatall.Ilookatmyfriend,tryingtodecidewhattotellher.Iwanthertoknowwhatshewillneverlearninchildbirthclasses.Iwanttotellherthatthephysicalwoundsofchildbearingwillheal,butbecomingamotherwillleaveherwithanemotionalwoundsorawthatshewillbevulnerableforever.

但我说的绝非这些。我注视着朋友，试图整理一下自己的思绪。我想让她知道她永远不可能在分娩课上学到的东西。我想让她知道：分娩的有形伤疤可以愈合，但是做母亲的情感伤痕却永远如新，她会因此变得十分脆弱。

Iconsiderwarningherthatshewillneveragainreadanewspaperwithoutthinking:"WhatifthathadbeenMYchild?"Thateveryplanecrash,everyhousefirewillhaunther.Thatwhensheseespicturesofstarvingchildren,shewillwonderifanythingcouldbeworsethanwatchingyourchilddie.Ilookathercarefullymanicurednailsandstylishsuitandthinkthatnomatterhowsophisticatedsheis,becomingamotherwillreducehertotheprimitivelevelofabearprotectinghercub.

我想告诫她：做了母亲后，每当她看报纸时就会情不自禁地联想：“如果那件事情发生在我的孩子身上将会怎样啊!”每一次飞机失事、每一场住宅火灾都会让她提心吊胆。看到那些忍饥挨饿的孩子们的照片时，她会思索：世界上还有什么比眼睁睁地看着自己的孩子饿死更惨的事情呢?我打量着她精修细剪的指甲和时尚前卫的衣服，心里想到：不管她打扮多么考究，做了母亲后，她会变得像护崽的母熊那样原始而不修边幅。

IfeelIshouldwarnherthatnomatterhowmanyyearsshehasinvestedinhercareer,shewillbeprofessionallyderailedbymotherhood.Shemightarrangeforchildcare,butonedayshewillbegoingintoanimportantbusinessmeeting,andshewillthinkherbaby'ssweetsmell.Shewillhavetouseeveryounceofdisciplinetokeepfromrunninghome,justtomakesureherchildisallright.

我觉得自己应该提醒她，不管她在工作上投入了多少年，一旦做了母亲，工作就会脱离常规。她自然可以安排他人照顾孩子，但说不定哪天她要去参加一个非常重要的商务会议，却忍不住想起宝宝身上散发的甜甜乳香。她不得不拼命克制自己，才不至于为了看看孩子是否安然无样而中途回家。

Iwantmyfriendtoknowthateverydecisionwillnolongerberoutine.Thatafive-year-oldboy'sdesiretogotothemen'sroomratherthanthewomen'satarestaurantwillbecomeamajordilemma.Theissuesofindependenceandgenderidentitywillbeweighedagainsttheprospectthatachildmolestermaybelurkinginthelavatory.Howeverdecisiveshemaybeattheoffice,shewillsecond-guessherselfconstantlyasamother.

我想告诉朋友，有了孩子后，她将再也不能按照惯例做出决定。在餐馆，5岁的儿子想进男厕而不愿进女厕将成为摆在她眼前的一大难题：她将在两个选择之间权衡一番：尊重孩子的独立和性别意识，还是让他进男厕所冒险被潜在的儿童性骚扰者侵害?任凭她在办公室多么果断，作为母亲，她仍经常事后后悔自己当时的决定。

Lookingatmyattractivefriend,Iwanttoassureherthateventuallyshewillshedtheaddedweightofpregnancy,butshewillneverfeelthesameaboutherself.Thatherownlife,nowsoimportant,willbeoflessvaluetoheronceshehasachild.Shewouldgiveitupinamomenttosaveheroffspring,butwillalsobegintohopeformoreyears—nottoaccomplishherowndreams—buttowatchherchildrenaccomplishtheirs.

注视着我的这位漂亮的朋友，我想让她明确地知道，她最终会恢复到怀孕前的体重，但是她对自己的感觉已然不同。她现在视为如此重要的生命将随着孩子的诞生而变得不那么宝贵。为了救自己的孩子，她时刻愿意献出自己的生命。但她也开始希望多活一些年头，不是为了实现自己的梦想，而是为了看着孩子们美梦成真。

Iwanttodescribetomyfriendtheexhilarationofseeingyourchildlearntohitaball.Iwanttocaptureforherthebellylaughofababywhoistouchingthesoftfurofadogforthefirsttime.Iwanthertotastethejoythatissorealithurts.

我想向朋友形容自己看到孩子学会击球时的喜悦之情。我想让她留意宝宝第一次触摸狗的绒毛时的捧腹大笑。我想让她品尝快乐，尽管这快乐真实得令人心痛。

Myfriend'slookmakesmerealizethattearshaveformedinmyeyes."You'llneverregretit,"Isayfinally.Then,squeezingmyfriend'shand,Iofferaprayerforherandmeandallofthemeremortalwomenwhostumbletheirwayintothisholiestofcallings.

朋友的表情让我意识到自己已经是热泪盈眶。“你永远不会后悔，”我最后说。然后紧紧地握住朋友的手，为她、为自己、也为每一位艰难跋涉、准备响应母亲职业神圣的召唤的平凡女性献上自己的祈祷.